Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Found your dick twin last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
