I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
