My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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