i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
