Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
