goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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