I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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