At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
