He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
