that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
are you so shy because you have an std?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
