Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Two words: blizzard sex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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