they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
