Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
