here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
