just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
