so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
