woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
