At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
