This is not my ceiling
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
