ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
