Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
where are you?
Hypothermia
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
