so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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