Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
