He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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