dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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