Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
