Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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