I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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