this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
