I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
