Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm always down for nudity.
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