I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do herpes really smell.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
