Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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