I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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