i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
