I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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