kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
