What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize