Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
