dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
