saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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