I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
