Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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