so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
