His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
