Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
