the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
