have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
