there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
