Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
