$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
