if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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