My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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