fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
