My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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