yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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