I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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