and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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