he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
