We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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