So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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