how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
