I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
