He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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