dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
