fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
