I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
