did you get engaged???
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
