my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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