Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i have two assholes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
