theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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